Monday, November 17, 2003

Cold & Dreary to match my mood...

I love the rain...really I do, but somedays I just wish it would go away. My favorite moments are sitting in front of a fire, curled up with a good book (ok, just about any book) with the rain pitter patting outside. But when I have a cold, the bones in my ankle are aching, I just can't get warm and my mood is dreary; I am just not fond of the cold & rain.

Since I am in the mood to be dramatic I will tell about my one big mistake this weekend...not running fast enough! I was shopping with my husband, slowly moving along the aisles in Target and I notice an old friend of mine coming towards me. I glanced away quickly hoping not to catch her eye and tried to duck behind my husband, but the shrill voice from the past caught me and the knowledge of defeat slithered down my spine. I plastered that "oh I've missed you" smile to my face and turned to face my past.

To give you a bit of background: This friend of mine lived with me my senior year of high school. We were in a lot of classes together and during that time became very close. I found out that she was having a lot of problems at home and she, in one tear filled evening, hinted that there may have been abuse in her household. Being the type of person that can never turn away from someone hurting, I came up with a plan. She could move in with me and my family for a while, until she could get her feet under her. Have you ever seen "Single White Female"? Well that became my life. This "friend" and I use this term loosely, took over my life. She wanted to spend every waking moment with me, and since we shared the same birthday, I had to share that party with her and my family bought her gifts. I shared my graduation party with her, she took my ex-boyfriend to the prom, she made my life a living hell. People used to laugh about the fact that she started dressing, talking and acting like me. I never thought it was funny. I kept away from home as much as possible to stay away from her, she started hanging out with my mom. I moved my desk at school to keep away from her, she started hanging out with my friends. She finally moved out when I went away to college, I breathed a sigh of relief. My family still cringes when her name comes up.And you know soon as she moved out, she moved right back into that "abusive household". I learned that most of what she said may have not been true, yes she was desperate for a friend and family, but no there probably wasn't the kind of abuse she claimed to live under.

So here I am stuck in her crosshairs, catching up on old times. It made me cringe when she introduced me to her husband and he said "oh barb...I've heard all about you!" My God 10 years later and her husband knows everything about me. I kept that smile plastered to my face, even when I heard the supressed chuckle from behind me (my husband knows the situation) I just wish I wasn't afraid to hurt people then I could have told her to stay away from me...but no I gave her my phone number and a promise to "get together" sometime. Her respone was "and I don't just mean that how people say let's get together and never do, I really mean it, we must get together". Why oh why can't I be a mean person! My biggest hope is that she will have heard the cool disdain in my voice and not call. I know I sound harsh, but some people I would just rather not have in my life anymore and she is definately one of them.

So that was my big problem for the weekend...other than that my weekend was very good! :)


No comments: